Carlos is one of the best rated authors on our secret list of books on how to talk to girls
How To Talk To Women:
Avoid these common conversational mistakes
______________________
It’s interesting. I watch guys in the field all the time, and the
mistakes they make in conversation are - on the whole - relatively
small.
BUT what a huge difference they make in terms of the conversation
flowing with that VIBE that just draws women in.
You see, you can do most things OKAY when it comes to women, but
one thing you MUST learn how to do exceptionally well is learn how
to talk to women. And I mean, TALK to women - in their language.
Most guys are only capable of talking in terms of facts and
logistics…
- “Hey, let’s meet up for drinks at 8:00 at Jillian’s…”
- “The Steelers are down in rushing yards this season…”
- “My stockbroker has a tip on a new tech company. I’m buying
options on Monday…”
- “Where did you go to school?”
I actually heard these things said to women, and I saw the glimmer
of hope in the woman’s eye that this guy MIGHT be different get
snuffed out like a candle.
I’ll bet you even read those words and thought to yourself: “What’s
wrong with those? I talk like this all the time.”
Sure. To GUYS.
Ah, my Alpha Brother, you must learn how to talk to women in their
NATIVE tongue if you want them to give you mad monkey love.
What language are women speaking?
Women speak in terms of emotions, experience, and sensation.
They don’t care so much about the WHEN, or the WHERE, or the silly
facts.
Women care more about the WHAT, the WHY, and the HOW…
They want to understand their emotional experience, while comparing
it to others’.
So let’s do a little translation here, so I can get you into the
swing of learning how to talk to women the RIGHT way.
- HE SAID: “Hey, let’s meet up for drinks at 8:00 at Jilian’s…”
If you want a woman to buy into your schedule, Mr. Palm Pilot, you
need to tell her more than the time and the place. You gotta give
her a small taste of the experience:
“Hey, have you ever had chicken wings that make your eyes tear up
and your nose sting? How about the sensation of having an ice cold
Anchor Steam to wash it down? Meet me over at Jillian’s at 8:00 and
we’ll make it happen…”
Give her a reason to show up, and she probably WILL.
- HE SAID: “The Steelers are down 318 rushing yards this season…”
Oh, man. YAWN.
(Y.A.W.N. = Yet Another Wussy Nerd.)
Sports statistics are about as interesting to a woman as your last
bellybutton cleaning experience, Chodely.
Try this on for size:
“When my favorite team isn’t performing, it just hits home because
you get to know these guys, and you think you know what they’re
capable of. And they don’t mean to disappoint you, but when you
know they are capable of so much more, you just feel let down. You
long for that feeling of being on top again, you know? To get that
thrilling feeling of winning and achieving all over again.”
Give her experiences she can relate to and you’ll draw her in like
a moth to a porch-light.
- HE SAID: “My stockbroker has a tip on a new tech company. I’m
buying options on Monday…”
Sounds like the last ten bragging guys I overheard trying to
impress a woman. This game is as transparent as glass and just as
easily broken.
Let’s be clear here: Women DO NOT trust guys who try too hard. If
you really have value, you don’t need to impress or prove yourself.
Your value is established.
Have you ever seen a Lamborghini brochure? A Lamborghini commercial
on television? How about a billboard with a Gallardo on it?
No. You don’t, and you WON’T.
Why?
Because Lamborghinis sell themselves. Their value is already there.
If you have to be sold on the benefits of a premium sports car with
over 500 horsepower and a top speed over 200 miles per hour, you
don’t deserve the car.
And Lamborghini KNOWS they have this kind of value.
How well do YOU feel that kind of value about yourself? Are you
more valuable than a sports car?
You better believe it, my friend.
Talk to women in terms of EMOTION and EXPERIENCE, not try-hard
bragging.
Try this instead:
“So I had an opportunity to invest in a company, and I had some
concerns initially. I felt a little uncertain about another
technology stock. You know what I mean? I think we’ve all been
burned by that. My instincts told me to be careful. So I made up my
mind to take this one by the horns and do some research on it. I
decided to use my head and actually learn about the company. Now I
feel good about my decision to make an investment commitment in
them. I think that’s really important, don’t you?”
There. You showed you were smart, trusted your instincts, capable
of action, and you took care of business. A woman will respect and
relate to that.
Oh, and you used the C-word. “Commit.” You show you have standards,
and that when they’re met, you’ll do what women don’t think men do.
- HE SAID: “Where did you go to school?”
This is another Y.A.W.N. question. It’s where a guy thinks that
just by pulling out the random facts of her past, he will create
some kind of “magical” connection.
It looks low-risk, but it’s really just conversational suicide. It
says, “I can’t think of anything original and exciting to talk
about, so I’ll just regurgitate the same thing the last ten guys
asked you.”
And you probably should take note of the fact that those last ten
guys are NOT with her right now, so you might consider that a hint.
If it doesn’t work, stop doing it.
DON’T ask a question about her.
Instead, get her to EXPERIENCE something WITH you.
Try this on for size:
“I was talking to my friend about school the other day, and what
our craziest experience was. You look like a person with a lot of
crazy stuff in your past. Tell me something fun about your
history…”
If she tries to act shy and avoids giving up any interesting
information, you ask her, “Oh, you’re one of those girls who’s no
fun, huh? You never go out and get crazy. I bet you can knit like
crazy, though… Oh well. It was going so good for you there for a
while.”
Tease her a little and she’ll rise to the challenge. All in the
name of FUN … not some game of “social value.” Just show her FUN.
Oh, and when she does start opening up and revealing, you must
never judge.
NEVER judge.
And get her to expand and describe her experience as much as you
can. Pull out all the sensory details of that experience until her
eyes glaze a bit and you can she that she’s experiencing it all
over again. When you get this skill (as I teach in my Conversation
& Persuasion program) you will out-shine any pickup artists out
there.
You will get what most men never achieve with women:
TRUE connection.
Carlos Xuma,
Dating Dynamics
