How to approach a girl that is shy – Questions from the mailbag

This is a nice question about what adjustments you need to make in approaching shy girls. Now, note, this guy has taken the secret quiz, and this article assumes you’ve taken the quiz too… With that out of the way, here is his question and my answer…

Q: I like the entire blog, it’s really helpful, i’ve learned a lot about approaching girls. Now the thing is that most of the kinds of the girls that I like tend to be of the more of a shy type, you know what I mean? So how is it different when you approach shy girls, and what do you have to keep in mind?

A: That… that… is an EXCELLENT question. The main thing you have to keep in mind when approaching a shy girl… is your own “state”… i.e. the way you feel and think about the entire situation. The crucial thing is you get aware of and remove any insecurites that might start popping out. Since most shy girls tend to not be very responsive and know how to respond when talking to you… it’s very very easy to misread some of these clues as “brush offs” and “arrogance”… And somehow take it personally.

Another thing that truly truly helps is totally getting yourself into the mindset that you are talking to a super-talkative and cool girl. Why? Because if you trully get yourself into an “as if” role-playing mode where you’re playing as if you’re talking to a super-talkative girl… you will actually a) end up bringing out the most social part of her and b) even if she’s not as responsive as you like, you’ll be having so much fun and leading the conversation that you won’t even notice the short “ehmmm”s and “aha, i dunno”s…

Also, some of the books on talking to girls might help you out on this.