How to talk to black women – Questions from the mailbag
Another “my type of girls are the worst type on the planet” type of a question.
Q: The site is great, love it, very informative and all, must have read it top to bottom. One thing is a problem – it doesn’t work with the sisters. It might work with white women, but how do you approach black women like that? Black woman are very mean and they got this thing about acting up, as if it were cool to act like a bitch. Any tips?
A: This has got to be the most common question we hear from guys. Well women from my ethnicity are different… Well women in my country are different. Well women in my town are different. See, the things is, if you to England, everyone there says “you guys have it easy, girls in your country are nice, english women are MEAN”. If a german guy goes to england he says to the english “You guys have it easy, english girls are so nice, you should see german women”… etc… etc. Or “black women are hard to approach… white women are easy”.
The reason we do this stuff is because it can become quite a convenient excuse to not do anything or not focus on OURSELVES. Just shift the responsibility on the women, and presto, you don’t have to do anything. Now am I saying you’re making this stuff up and that when you approach black girls… that they are sweetest possible kind souls in return? No, not at all. You’re probably right, they probably are somewhat standoffish to you. The main reason is that when we are beginners at this kind of stuff, we tend to not be as smooth as can be, and you know what happens when you approach a woman in a stilted and unconfident manner, right?! You come across as CREEPY. Even though you’re not. But that’s what it’s perceived as.
And we ALWAYS comes across as less confident with the women we are ATTRACTED to… It’s an irony, but it’s a fact of life. If I told you to approach a woman who’s completely not your type, you would approach her a lot more confidently. The solution for you my friend is the same. Just keep on working it until you’ve mastered it.
{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }
I find your argument against the perception of black women as standoffish disconcerting. While it may be true that for many in differing countries the perception of the women indigenous to said country might be perceived of as difficult to talk to, in this instance such an argument completely ignores what may be certain key issues affecting black women in this country, or women in general in any country. Such an argument skips around the issue of race and gender and possibly certain socio-economic causes which may be pertinent to shedding light on this phenomena. While I whole-heartedly agree with your comments regarding self awareness concerning our overall approach to women, I disagree that black women in particular are easy to approach; at least those from certain communities. But what I think the reason is for the proliferation of this stereotype has to do with the approach many black men within said communities have toward black women. Having watched many of the young brothers “court” black women, I find their approach to be very aggressive and often disrespectful. It would seem that many black women have developed thick skins to deal with the casual “gentlemen” caller in response to what often seems like a personal attack more so than a genuine attempt to establish some sort of romantic contact. The sad part about this is that some black women have come to see this aggressive behavior as attractive and a turn on. For instance, some black women will not talk a man or take him serious unless he comes off real strong and disrespectful. To them this may be a sign of virility but it points to some interesting and unfortunate cultural pathologies within some black communities. Indeed, there are social psychological causes of this kind of stand offish behavior stemming from all the negative effects inherent in those communities: poverty, exposure at a young age to drugs, alcohol, sex, lack of strong parenting structure intent on the instilling of virtue (civic or otherwise) with a strong female and male role model present. And also lets not forget the proliferation of a degenerative self image of black woman as objects of sex and men as the brokers of that powerful commodity within the african american pop culture scene; which sadly many of our young black children are exposed to daily.
WARNING!!!WARNING!!!!
THIS IS NOT AN OVER GENERALIZATION. DO NOT TAKE THESE COMMENTS TO BE REPRESENTATIVE OF THE ENTIRETY OF THE AFRICAN AMERICAN OR OTHER AFRICAN DIASPORA PEOPLES OF THE WORLD MALE OR FEMALE:
WARNING!!!!WARNING!!!!!