You know, I’m just going to share with you one of the smartest things my mentor Carlos Xuma has said to me… The biggest secret to becoming good with women is to talk to as many of them as humanly possible.
So how do you become excellent at approaching women? How do you gain mastery of talking to women and starting conversations with any woman, anywhere, no matter what? You just go and talk to as many of them as possible…
But, but, but, but
This is where the yes, but comes from most guys…”like, how do I talk to a ton of women if I suck at approaching”. It does feel like a “chicken or the egg” situation, but it’s not really. The secret as to why… is this:
You have to suck at approaching first before you can become good… and you have to “do ok” at approaching before you become great at it. You have to become ok with the fact that you will need to some approaches where you don’t do so well… and this simply means, approaches where the conversation is stilted, and you’re barely saying things… in a not-so-confident manner… For some guys, it might even be barely mumbling up the first words.
But that’s perfectly fine.
The slowest way to become good at approaching women
I’ve watched and I’ve taken close notice of many of the men who’ve undergone this journey of learning how to approach women. And I have noticed many a pattern. See… The guys i’ve seen take the longest time to master this area, in general had a few similarities in common, but the one I like to point out is this one: “non-acceptance”. Now, I know this sounds like some cheesy new agey BS, but it simply means that they never at any point between
(point a - not being able to approaching)
and
(point z - being able to charm and approach any woman, anywhere)
… they never at any single point between these two… felt grateful or content with what they had. No matter how much improvement they made, they always hit themselves on the head… like “Why do I suck so much!? I approached her… and my smile was so darn cheesy”… And mind you, this is in a case where they approached a stunning woman in the middle of the street and got a date with her… Yet they’re concentrating on what was less-than-perfect.
The fastest way to become good at approaching women
The fastest way I’ve found for guys to become good at approaching women was… when they managed to “accept” things as they are. Let me give you an example. Let’s say you are SO SHY that you can barely walk up to a cashier and ask them a question about something in the store… Now let’s assume you’ve created a desensitization program for yourself where go out with the intent of approaching staff at different places and ask them questions until you become comfortable with it.
The “acceptance” approach would be the one where you completely ACCEPT the fact that might not do so well, but it doesn’t matter. You say “well, I know I might end up mumbling and the saleswoman asking me to repeat myself, but it’s ok… I’m doing this for practice and in no time I will improve”
The “non-acceptance” approach is “oh damn! Why do I always suck at this stuff? What if I approach the clerk and I mumble and make a fool out of myself?! Maaaaaaan I gotta force myself to do it… and do it with a VERY very loud and clear voice, I have to, I have to, I HAVE TO”
So, where do you start?
Start at the beginning, go around this website and learn and read everything you can about the subject, especially the sections that most relate to you. Make a plan (like the articles on making a plan of improvement explain), and follow it to completion. That’s about it. It’s simple really.
