Ok, so you are shy with women and you’re wondering how to overcome it. Do you want the easiest and most simple way to do it? Well, TAKE MY QUIZ… Lol, seriously, hate to shout, but if you haven’t taken my quiz that gives you personal advice on how to do it, nothing else matters… But let me break it down further for you. Here’s how to talk to girls if you’re shy.
Become Normal
Ok, ok… I know that sounded bad, but it was only to get you attention. See, one of the major reasons that guys who are shy with women, tend to remain so is because they have a very nasty goal implanted into their head. Do you know what that goal is? They imagine they have to be SUPER-popular and charming over-night. This is a false goal.
The biggest reason that guys who are shy with women continue being shy with women is because they are always trying to become an always-smiling, super-talkative person that is liked by everyone… And of course… they fail.
Am I saying you shouldn’t have this goal?
No.
All I am saying is that the fastest way to get there is to insert an intermediary step of “becoming normal”, of becoming “average” FIRST.
One of the best categorizations I have seen of people on the “approaching women” scale is the one in Xuma’s excellent program (listed here) where he separates men into 3 categories:
1) The kind of a person that is so shy that you have never, or very rarely had a girlfriend?
2) The kind of a person who can talk to most girls in social circles. He’s not exactly smooth, but he does ok. This kind of a guy occasionally stumbles onto a girlfriend every few months, but it’s never really a hot girl, and you wish you could do better since most of the women that you meet are through friends or organizations and you rarely or never approach women you don’t know
3) The kind of a guy who can approach some women, but occasionally hesitates with the hotter girls. He’s doing ok, but he hasn’t really reached “mastery” over talking to women.
4) The kind of a person who can enter into any place, any time and charm every single person in there and have everyone smiling and happy to see him.
Why am I telling you all this?
Because shy guys ALWAYS, and I mean ALWAYS set about on their “overcoming shyness” journey by heading directly for category 4. It’s like walking to a gym and for years and always trying to lift the 200 pound dumbbell without ever having lifted anything less!
So, what’s the solution
The solution to becoming normal is very, very simple… Become normal (category 2), become average (category 2). Start lifting the 10 pound dumbbell.
Yeah, but how do I do that exactly?
Here’s how:
- Join as many organizations and clubs as you can. These can be volunteer organizations, hobby groups, yoga classes, photography classes, dance lessons, gyms, health clubs, martial arts, gamers conventions… anything that involves being involved with large groups of people
- Just make it a goal to be a regular there. Put no pressure on yourself to “be popular” or “make friends”. Make it your only goal to just go there “regularly”. That’s your only goal. Be careful to not fall into that trap of feeling you have to be popular. Just “appear” in all these places, and let yourself become a “category 2″ naturally… but do make sure to also…
- Subscribe to this blog and start applying the different techniques about conversations as you learn them.
- Email me at any time with specific questions so I can improve this blog with EXACTLY what you need
{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }
i’m a shy man that’s true and due to my unsmart languge as i’m not native speaker it takes me far away from getting normal women not to menion the hot of them
any way how to deal with this isue when it comes to convice them to accept my sense of hummer which i can make it by my own ?
i hope you get me right and will help me to get ride of this problem …does the languge as a forigner play an important role in that field mean gettng women ?
Thanks.
im very shy around girls i can talk to them but i can never
get a date because for me to talk to a girl she has to talk
to me first so im trying to get passed that but its harder
then i thought it would and i need help
but this tells me alot
Hi, I am 24 yr old single guy, i am good looking with 6′4 height and good physics. my problem is i am very shy kind of guy thats why i lost many girls in my life but now i m tired of it thats why i need your help.
now a days i like one girl so……much, she is coming in gym with me. whenever we met she stare me, i never tried to talk with her not even she do. but i want to……….so please tell me how to start…….and what to tell her first ??????
i m 22 yr old guy
i was not in co education school b4 i guess so developed shyness & had no relation at all
i am shy of girls ,
i m good looking guy ,hey m not blowing my own trumpet k ….many ppl say this too
actually when situation asks like when i was asked once in HR class to do a skit vth this girl once, i did it with no problem not shy at all ,its like we did so good that i almost impressed eveyone.but after tat i m shy even to give her a smile or say hi,especially when she is in a group
i realized that i can make up courage to talk to girls but i get confused how to react when they pass by ,whom to give smile (like should i give smile to a gal whom i spoke b4 much lil)
plz help me i just need a push to overcome this
Sooo there this girl in my class and i talk to her like everyday. But sometimes when we are talking and we’re done with that topic, i don’t know like what to bring up next. Like i’ll ask how was her day and so then sometimes there are these quiet moments. I don’t know what to do when that happens. Could you help me?
hi i need some help actually i need a lot help .. theres a girl who comes to my work place it bein 1 year we always have this awckwerdness between us we lok at each other then look a way i realy like her a lot i finaly spoken to at her work place i didnt know she worked there it was nice we spoken good thenshe came to work polace we talkd then i never saw foer a month then i saw again i was bussy on the till so couldnt say hi bt she looked at me and i kind of blanked to im a idoit for that now she dosnt realy say hi to me anymore wht i should say how should i talk to her i i want to talk to her again i should i start i dont wANT there to be any wirdness btween us
I have the hardest time talking with the “perfectly stranger” girls esp. the very pretty ones. Sometimes, just cracking open an opportunity is all it takes, but like it mentioned on the steps, it all depends. I think practicing is always the best advice. I really enjoy making comments, esp. if it’s an interesting one(that people would relate with) or something funny. I recently started attending a Bible Study group and it’s never easy blurting out comments, esp. with the girls around, but it helps to keep showing up.
Ugh… I like this girl a LOT, but she is popular at my school, and I am not.. I get the feel she won’t ever like me because I am WAY to shy to talk with her, and there are TONS of other better lookings guys than me ( I think). I wish there was a girl magnet button…
Hi, I have a real hard problem talking to any girl, not just the hot ones, but any girl my age. I have never got a girls number or went on a date with anyone i have aproached. The only girls i have been with, have aproached me, and that has only happened a handfull of times. I am the kind of person that overthinks everything, and have about 0 confidence. I dont understand how you are suposed to be confident in something you have never done before. I am outgoing but only after i have realy known the person. Also, i suck at every aspect of dating, because i just have no idea what i am doing.
Hey Chad, I recommend taking Cory Winn’s Quiz if you haven’t already, it will answer most of your questions, also signup for his follow up email tips. You can email him with these questions.
http://getlaidsite.com/quiz/howtotalktogirls-quiz.php
Im a 19 year old virgin whos spent most his teen years addicted to computer games, because of this i lack social skills. I go clubbing quite abit, and can neva even bring myself to approach any girls because i can’t keep a conversation going for longer than like…2 mins :S any tips on how i can beta my social skills and get more to talk about with women?
I am (from what I’ve been told), I very attractive guy. Sometimes attractive enough where good looking girls approach me first. My problem is that as soon as they approach me, or even just stare at me and smile, I either A: look away, and to the floor. Or B: If they approach me first, I studder, forget of anything to say, and look around the room instead of at them. I pretty much fall apart. And then any sort of emotions they might have had for me go away.
Do you know of any good tips on overcoming this annoying nervousness?
hi
im 21 years old im good lookin but i dont know how to open the conversation with girls and some times i just talk to girl like a normal , i mean the same way i talk to my friends , and some tims i got the girl for a dinner or any thing else but i still need your help with how to talk to them or make them admiration of me .
Wow, didn’t think there were this many guys that have the same exact problems as me. I just wanted to thank you for some of the tips. Hopefully they work for me.
hi there! i am a guy of Nepali ethnicity. I have recently moved to New Zealand. I am studying at a university and I am good in talking English but not of Kiwi accent. Though i talk to my friends and understand the lecturers (sometimes difficulties). I like a girl and she looks at me and me too. We often smile but we haven’t talked yet. She gives me chances to talk but she hasn’t come to me. I am shy and I think that she can’t understand me if i talk with her. i find her unique and i like her. Please suggest some ways so that i can talk to her.
hi
i m shy guy i m handsome girls stare at me but i try to ignore them
i dont know how to start a talk with them
one girl is so frank she starting talking with me i m so nervous plz help i just unable to reply her
Hey Zake. The thing I suggest on the rest of the site, is just forget about those girls. Forget about the girls who stare at you, and you have a trouble approaching. Why? Because you’ll just feel guilty trying to approach them and failing. I’ve been there, you wanna say something, but the words just don’t come out. Its tough.
That’s why you have to postpone it for now. For now, just focus on approaching, meeting and befriending girls in general. Just go out there, and try to socialize with and meet as many women as you can. Make as many female friends as you can. Just go out for the purpose of befriending and meeting girls (not for the sake of dating, just befriending)… And you will find overtime that it gets easier and easier to approach the starers. In fact, it will just happen one day, you will find that you have no problem approaching them.
im 17 n dont know how to talk to girls. i got asked out by a girl i liked and i said NO… why the Hell. and every time a girl i likescomes 2 try talk to me i ignore her 4 some reason i dont know why i am probly the biggest Pussy out there. theres a girl at my athletics club that i like and every time she comes to me n says hi then i say wassup thn run somewere. i always make girls laugh even if its not funny at all is tht a good??
Hi,i am raja from bangalore.i am fall in one side love since a year,and i don’t talk to her even in a day,because i feel shy but she is seeing me some times.i am helpless please how to start talk to her on the way and how to get her love,please help me…
ima 17 game nerd never had a gf, a whole bunch of girls(my cousin tells me they talk about me) like me and this very attractive chick(shes like one of the best looking chick at my school) plays her hair everytime she sees me and bit her lips at me one time but i didn’t say nothing to her b/c im not good at finding conversation, im so pissed at my self at all the chances i missed
hi im 21 and like to play games a lot.im very shy and cannot be able to look at women face to face,sometimes when they talk to me i become unable to make conversation.what runs through my mind is that hot women or women in general dont like having a relationship with quiet guys.i would like to have a GF.please give an advice.
i am realy shy whe it comes to talking to girls i have never had a girlfriend and there is a girl i love but cannot tell cause i am scared .she does not know me and has never seen me
Ive had a few girls, not many but my shyness and lack of communication always lets me down even tho i really do try hard at it, i just fail. Been told by alot of girls that im good looking which is a positive but of course this isnt the issue. I recently got with a birl by PURE luck one of my relatives friends and we were watching movies and stuff and it kind of just clicked what i had to do. This is for anybody in the same boat as me.
1. Ask them how their night was or watever
2. A compliment on their looks (not somethign sleezy) etc wow that dress looks great on you or something along those lines.
3. always listen to what she is saying. girls love a guy with some brain power even if its just a simple but smart answer on the topic shes explaining (share your experiences)
4. erm its a fairly good sign when you have her laughing and smiling alot. Girls love funny jokes and stories and you feel hell good when they do laugh (i know i do) this can relax you alot and help you continue a conversation.
5. find somethign fun to do together (find out her interests first) then go do it even if its something as simple as going to a movie or coffee or watever
well im kinda up to there im good when a girl is around someone i know or like a friends friend etc i can handle that most times, i still find going up to girls in clubs to hard =/
i have this girls number and weve been texting and she said she likes me alot (i was like sweet) but she lives a little bit away from me, we are both pretty comfortable talking bout most things, my trouble is what is the next step? im just too pussy to ask her out, i havent had a girl in so long id rather this than a rejection ..
I need help.. Look at all these comments. I am a combination of all of them except I dont have looks and I barely have any friends. I dont know how to start a conversation or keep one going for more then 15 seconds… This is the worst feeling in the world. I lack social skills and communication. I sit in my house all day because I have no friends to hang out with. Thus meaning I have terrible social skills. Im the shyest person in the world If you can help me id appreciate it very much.. my email is jmonasteri@yahoo.com
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